Answer the Door

Gazing at your pretty eyes I can tell you hide tremendous sadness behind them.  Too scared to open the door inside you keep it locked from the other side.  Girl, I know you don't want a savior, but you could use a little saving.  Please don't turn to the shadows for cover.  We're all a little broken.  I'm captivated by your lovely smile, but I see past the thinly veiled veneer.  I promise you this the key to freedom is in letting in a little more love.  A little's enough.  You may be a little broken, but...

Disease

I have this sickness in my soul.  It grows a little stronger every day.  The thoughts grow a little darker, my actions bleaker.  It's a battle I've been fighting all my life, and it never gets any easier, never any better.  I've been looking for a savior in all the wrong places.  Desperately seeking a miraculous cure.  Distractions are many, but they only conceal the pain, never taking it away completely.  Nothing but a mere veneer.  Confidence is waning.  Hope is fading.  Everything seems surreal.  A...

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom

     I want to ask you all a question: where has the honesty, the truth-telling in society gone? I'm sure any of you who turned on the news in the last ten years have noticed that 75% of it is all shit. Complete and utter shit. In fact it's actually worse than that. At least shit can be used for fertilizer. Carl Bernstein, one of the main journalists to report on The Watergate Scandal, said it best with: “The lowest form of popular culture -- lack of information, misinformation, and a contempt for the truth or the reality...

Innocent Girl

You played the role of an innocent girl and I fell into your sick web of love.  You make breaking hearts look so easy. Do you collect the blood you spill? Gather the tears that fall because of you?  It's hard to carry on when I have to stumble past the path of corpses you left in your wake.  I can only hope I don't become one of those poor souls.  Can you still feel it?  My heartbeat going at a steady pace.  You sped it up, now you're trying to stop it altogether.  I won't let it happen.  I can't let it...

College Life (Isn't what you expect)

We all have heard people say that college isn't right for everybody, except my generation really hasn't. Most of my life I've heard teachers, parents, and peers all say that college is the way to go. The way to get a good job that pays well. The way to success. Basically the way to happiness itself. I think it was the late, great Steve Jobs himself who essentially said that today society is way too focused on college and not enough on creativity. Everybody knows someone who didn't go to college and is doing quite well off today, or everybody can...

Rabbit Hole

Thrust into the unknown. Who knows what I'll become. Tumbling down the rabbit hole, Mud clings to my clothes and I'm afraid I can't see, Can't see exactly what I'm supposed to be. Dead or alive? It's all so surreal. I can't tell fact from fiction. Sifting through delusions to uncover the truth, but the truth cannot be found So I'm left to wonder did it ever really exist? Was it ever something tangible, or was it merely a fairytale? The answer may never be found but that doesn't mean the question shouldn't be raised. And so I ask this, will I...

Disappointed

     Disappointed. That word holds more weight to me than any other word I know. Disappointed in my felony four vandalism charge. Disappointed in my DUI charge. Disappointed in my three or four underage alcohol consumption charges. (I'm honestly not sure how many it is. Sad I know) I'm disappointed in my actions this previous weekend.      It feels like I'm constantly switching between being content with who I am, and feeling completely worthless. It's a complete transformation. It's really a constant struggle; a...

Carry On

How do you find hope in a hopeless world? How do you find joy when there is no joy to be found? Where is the happiness hiding when you're in despair? How do you escape when you're trapped in a dungeon of darkness that engulfs you? The answer isn't easy to find, but it is there, lying under the tears.  Take a breath,   Relax,    Close your eyes     And search your heart. You will find redemption. You will find salvation. It may be over a hill, or it may be over the tallest mountain peak. But...

Where Did the Year Go?

     As my freshman year rapidly comes to a close I'm asking myself where did the time go? It wasn't too long ago that I was an anxious, nervous, 18 year old getting ready to move in the Lower East Side and ready to start a new chapter in my book of life. I thought I had a vague idea what direction my life was heading toward. Now, I've never been more unsure of anything.      I currently reside in Brooklyn Heights after spending some time in South Jamaica Queens before hand. I now attend St. Francis College instead...

Embrace Your Pain

     People try to hide their pain, their insecurities. They think that their mistakes make them weak. They're wrong. Pain is something you should embrace. Something you should grab on to.       There is this idea that to show tears or any signs of being less than perfect means you're a weakling, a coward not fit to live. That is absurd. There's heart ache and pain inside each and every one of us. The stubborn ones just refuse to admit they're as broken as the rest of us. We all have our crosses we are bearing,...

The Girl

You leave me tongue tied with my heart in a knot. My hands are fumbling around and I can't get it undone. Damn girl you're just too much fun. I have a mess in my head but when I'm with I've never felt so at ease. In a city full of distractions you're the absolute best one there could ever be. When you grab my hand it sends a spark straight to my heart, electrifying me back to life. When I'm with you I feel no strife. Whether or not we're living a lie I've never felt so alive. How long can I wait? If you needed a lifetime that's fine because I...

Poetic Tragedy

Writing words that no one will ever read. Expressing thoughts that no one cares to hears. It's an endeavor that's a lonely road. The greatest stories are those told of redemption. My story has no redeemer. It's filled with tragedy and hopelessness. Of lovers lost and friendships destroyed. It's a path that leads to nothing but heartache, but I can't seem to turn back now. Chasing dreams but they all seem so intangible it just isn't manageable. Left to my own desires I'll fall to ruin. It's where I'm headed but I can only hope that some lost soul...

Fire

They said I'm wasting my life.  That my dream is unattainable.  Well you can take this however you want it.  I'll be the greatest damn thing you've ever seen.  I've failed more times than I can remember, and I'll continue to do so. I'll leave a path of battered and broken feelings along the way.  Torn relationships will be strewn about.  On the path to greatness I can't let any of it stop me.  Like an atomic bomb I'll destroy all obstacles that tries to hold me back.   You will never know...

How Do You Say Goodbye?

     I cried four separate times tonight. Not because of any physical pain, or because I have two speeches to give in less than 8 hours. No I cried because the person I love the most is leaving in less than 6 weeks.      When I left Ohio I had many goodbyes to say to friends and family but I wasn't sad. I knew I'd be seeing them eventually. This is a different story. I've went through some tough experiences with the law and high school but it doesn't compare to this feeling. At all. Not even close. Every day that...

Take A Look In the Mirror

      Why is that everyone is so concerned about how others view them? Why do people feel the constant need to impress? People gossip and tear others down to build up their own self worth, but why? It's like life is a giant chess board and everyone wants to be the queen and king and dispose of the pawns. I find it hard to understand why people judge their importance based on others perceptions. Isn't how you feel about yourself the most important thing? If you're happy, if you're content with how you feel and your morals then...

Farewell

Flying           down                    to the ground like a shooting star.  All burnt out.  A song bird that lost its voice. Am I still the same?  This bullet entered my head late last night and it just won't leave.  Slowly traveling to my heart, tearing it to shreds.  It started as the sweetest kiss and now it has come down to this. She's smiling in the car with the gun.  It's not all hopes and dreams anymore.  It became a reality,...

Get It Started

Look at what I've done from where I've come. I got this one chance, one shot you better believe I'm not gonna stop until I'm on top. They say fake it until you make it. If that's the case then you better start running because I'm ready to start sprinting.                               I'm about to raise the bar, tell me can you do a pull up? If you think it's hot now watch out because the inferno is only beginning. F*** all this traditionalism. There's nothing traditional...

Let's Go For a Dance

Take my hand. Teach me to dance. Don't let me fall down. Will you let me lead? I won't step on your feet. The spotlights shining and its all about us. One day I felt a little brave. I'm not one to go out on a line but you seemed to be worth the trouble. Do you hear this love? Can you see this love? I can hear it in the way you say my name. I can see it in the way your eyes light up when they look into mine. I still get those stupid butterflies when we're alone. Whenever I'm not by your side I get homesick. Home is where your heart is and I left...

What If?

     What if I grew up in a big city? What if I didn't have the parents I do? What if I didn't grow up in a small, conservative, rural town?      These are all questions I ask myself. No one gets to choose who their parents are, or where they're born. There isn't a system that let's one pick and choose. It's all left to chance. I wouldn't have been the same person if I didn't grow up in Ohio. I don't think I would have had the same passion to do the things I do now. I made the leap to move all the way to New York...