I want to ask you all a question: where has the honesty, the truth-telling in society gone? I'm sure any of you who turned on the news in the last ten years have noticed that 75% of it is all shit. Complete and utter shit. In fact it's actually worse than that. At least shit can be used for fertilizer. Carl Bernstein, one of the main journalists to report on The Watergate Scandal, said it best with: “The lowest form of popular culture -- lack of information,
misinformation, and a contempt for the truth or the reality of
most people's lives -- has overrun real journalism. Today, ordinary Americans
are being stuffed with garbage.” Maybe that's a contributing reason why America is one of the most obese countries in the world...
No one likes to tell the truth anymore. Everyone puts up a facade. A veneer to cover up their insecurities, their fears, their worries. Some people tend to think that lying makes them more interesting or a better person. These people are so clueless and lost. The truth, reality, is far more intriguing than a long string of lies. The truth is real (obviously). It helps defines who a person actually is. It gives them depth, character, explains their flaws and their positive traits. To lie about yourself is really quite sad. It means you're not proud of yourself; you're not happy with yourself. To lie is to completely deny the very flesh and blood of who you are. And that my friends is a lot of bullshit, to deny who you are as a human being, as a tiny piece of God (sorry my atheists friends).
I'm certainly not the best example of being an excellent, upstanding, or even a good student, brother, son, boyfriend, or friend but I refuse to lie about who I am, my past, or my stories. Most of you know about my troubled past and recurring problems (legal issues, drug and alcohol issues, mental issues, don't be afraid to ask more if you want), and I never shy away from going into detail. Why should I feel guilt or regret for who I am? I've owned up to my mistakes (and have repeated those same mistakes over and over) and I've learned a wealth of knowledge from them. I've literally told complete strangers some deeply personal stories because conversations, relationships should be an intimate thing. Social media and rampant cell phone use have degraded the art of having a real person-to-person conversation. While living in New York City, and having some absolutely amazing friends I am always meeting some of their friends from back home (or even just random people at parties), and I choose to tell them these personal things because it lets them into my world a little bit, lets them see how I ended up as me, and they feel more comfortable opening up themselves. When that person leaves and goes on with their life I probably won't ever see them again, but I'll know that the time we had together was real, it was a real moment. It was an honest moment. It was something that can't be fabricated. That is something that is truly special.
Lying is easy, if you have a good memory. It's also easy to get caught in a lie. Don't hide behind a wall of lies. Don't be such a fucking coward. One of my favorite, if not the most, quotes is by the legendary front man of The Doors, Jim Morrison. “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all...Feelings are disturbing...Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
Author Tad Williams says something similar as well, "We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger"
Will Smith even has a few sentences to say on the subject: “You can't be scared to die for the truth. The truth is the only thing that is ever going to be constant.”
If you lie your ass off and create these ridiculous stories you will never have a true, close relationship. I don't see how you could possibly feel fulfilled if you're a compulsive liar. People may tolerate you, but I don't see how they could possibly respect you. Speaking from personal experience I have a few friends who lie about the dumbest stuff and while I love them to death I am always questioning every little thing that they say. On the other side of the field I have a friend who is always completely honest, doesn't lie about the smallest things, and I have so much respect for him. I'll end with a quote by myself, Benjamin James Bockrath, mental case, decent student, occasional writer/poet, compulsive cleaner, history nerd, zoloft-taking, and sometimes a pretty cool guy: When you begin to be honest with yourself you will find that your life, however chaotic it is, will fall into place a little easier, a little smoother, and a little more enjoyable.
"When that person leaves and goes on with their life I probably won't ever see them again, but I'll know that the time we had together was real, it was a real moment. It was an honest moment. It was something that can't be fabricated. That is something that is truly special."
ReplyDeleteThis is pure gold, my friend. Keep writing - you're dead on.
In a fake world, it's so easy to let yourself be fake too. I do. Little white lies never killed anyone. Until they do. Thanks for the reminder and speaking your mind.
So at the risk of wasting the last bits of honest emotion I have on sentiment. I have to say this is one of the realest things I've read in a while and the message in of itself really has me thinking. I'll listen the friendly blog post save my criticism for in person.
ReplyDeleteThis was really fresh and enjoyable to read. I've been thinking a lot about the truth lately, and it really is easy to get lost in a fabrication. Sometimes, the fabrication may not be something you have created yourself, but something other people formed around you and associate you with. This is something I struggle with personally. A few years back, I was determined to change some things in my life. I was essentially chasing the dream of my ideal self, and I earned myself a reputation. However, people began to infer things about me that weren't true, based on things I had done. Essentially, people began to see me the way I wanted to be seen, and even though the rumors that were spread about me weren't necessarily lies, the truth tended to be ridiculously stretched.
ReplyDeleteThe most dangerous thing about getting caught up in a lie is not that people will find out. The most dangerous thing about becoming a liar is that you might forget the truth entirely, and then become unable to distinguish what is truth or not.
This is great, Ben.
ReplyDeleteYour third paragraph particularly is so insightful. When we are honest and open with others--regardless of how well we know them--our experiences with those people are real and sincere. Even if we never see them again, knowing that we shared something so much deeper than modern society's notion of experience--"a real moment"--is satisfaction enough.
Keep thinking and keep writing, man.
Best,
Nick W.
Great stuff Ben, haven't talked to you in a while, but I hope to make it out to NYC maybe early next year when I get more dough. Here is a little quote I think you'll enjoy. “People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.” -Ayn Rand
ReplyDelete